Energizing Marriage

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Author Emerson Eggerichs in his book, Love and Respect, outlines three major cycles that a typical marriage faces: The Crazy Cycle, the Energizing Cycle and the Rewarding Cycle. 

The Crazy Cycle is when he won’t love and she won’t respect. Both are unwilling to make a move until the other does. Crazy. The Rewarded Cycle is when he is loving his wife well and she is respecting her husband. This is based on Ephesians 5:33 “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” The Energizing is how to get to The Rewarded Cycle and how to stay out of The Crazy Cycle.

In recent sermons on marriage from Ephesians 5:22-33 I have shared the outlines of The Energizing Cycles for both the wife and the husband as practical examples to help your marriage via God’s design for your good.

Here they are: 


The energizing cycle: CHAIRS 

  • Conquest: Appreciate his desire to work and achieve
  • Hierarchy: Appreciate his desire to protect and provide
  • Authority: Appreciate his desire to serve and lead
  • Insight: Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel
  • Relationship: Appreciate his desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship
  • Sexuality: Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy

The rewarding cycle: Love and Respect


The energizing cycle: COUPLE 

  • Closeness: She wants you to be close 
  • Openness: She wants you to open up to her 
  • Understanding: Don’t try to “fix” her, just listen. 
  • Peacemaking: She wants you to say: “I’m sorry” 
  • Loyalty: She needs to know you’re committed
  • Esteem: She wants you to honor and cherish her

These were just 3 minutes from each sermon and there is more life-giving help from God’s Word for the wife and the husband for the good of your marriage. We’re all learning. Thankful that God gives direction. His Word is a lamp for our path. 


“Healthy Marriages – Wives” – Ephesians 5:22-24

“Healthy Marriages – Husbands” – Ephesians 5:25-33